I’ve always believed myself to be a typical student in numerous ways.
- At school, even with my very best effort, spotlight was always on my more famous classmates. I was a great student however, I was never an icon of the school or town as many of my peers were. In the Xth Board examinations I was not on the Top 20 Scorers List at my school.
- In the XIIth Board exam I achieved 76%. I failed to pass IITJEE within 2 attempts. I almost had an emotional breakdown in my first attempt at the AIEEE exam. I managed to score 3 digits in WBJEE on the 2nd try. I was forced to choose Chemical Engineering since there was no better option at my grade.
- In my college days I was among the lowest-ranked and average performers. I was not thought to be suitable for the highest positions in the business. With a CGPA that was in the 7th percentile I was certain that I had little or no chance of success within Chemical Engineering. To make matters worse I was terrified of programming and was adamant about avoiding any contact with IT-related jobs.
- I left college empty with nothing. There was nothing but a certificate of graduation. No job and no high-profile connections No privileged family connections No recommendations or special internships – absolutely nothing. My depression was such I didn’t have the desire to go to the graduation ceremony that took place a few months afterward. That was the low point for me in life. I couldn’t have been more average.
- There is nothing unique to discuss with my relatives. I’ve been blessed with a middle-class upbringing and not a single civil servant or an affluent performer in my area. I had no one to hold me or encourage me to enter an army of civil servants.
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I’ve always believed that I didn’t have any special aptitude or skill. I simply wanted to be happy with myself every day. I was a writer. I was a sucker for reading. When I merged these two and a few other things, I came across UPSC CSE to be a worthwhile shot. I continued to work through the read-and-write course for a while. Also, God helped me get through UPSC CSE down the line.
Being average isn’t a problem. You’re average in all the things you’re not driven to accomplish. It’s similar to telling a fish that it can fly. The species will never be by itself. In the water, and he’ll no longer remain the same.
If CSE is your real purpose, the idea of being average will disintegrate soon enough. Continue to work every day. At some point you will see things change. You’ll feel it immediately when this occurs.